Baring sights

There are always those people, especially women, who take pride in their bodies and have no hesitation to show it off. However, the way in which they choose is usually modest, at least in partially covering up the goodies and showing off more of the shape. And even more so when they’ve reached middle age. A woman who walked in with her husband and a male friend yesterday, though, apparently praised hers.

She walked into the store, and I greeted them, not really noticing anything unusual at first,as I was  looking at her face. As the woman walked away with her back towards me, I noticed she was wearing a black, sheer blouse but lacked a bra. “She’s not wearing anything underneath that top,” I thought. “Well, maybe she has pasties.”

I let them walk around the store for a little while before asking if they needed help. When I finally did approach them, I couldn’t help but to look down to see if she was covered. But I was right! She had nothing; not even pasties. But as I am professional about my job, I made no comment nor did I react. I merely continued to help her. As I did so, we walked past the bachelorette party section, and the woman’s husband pointed out a sippy cup shaped like a large penis. “Here you go, hun. You wanna drink out of this?” her husband laughed, lifting the cup to show her. The woman chuckled and said, “Oh please, like I’d walk around in public drinking from that!”

I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. This woman would rather walk around in public with her breasts showing than sipping from a penis-shaped cup?! How could the first option win out? So, I thought, where is the line drawn of being proud of your body and just being obnoxious about it? Also, at what point does one decide it’s less embarrassing  to bare breasts than drink from a phallic cup? Is it easier to be comfortable with your own body than being comfortable playing with items that look like genital parts in public?

Whichever the case, it’s fine to be proud of your body. More power to you! However, take into consideration that, sure, more may be better, but baring all leaves nothing to the imagination.

 

Who’s counting?

The other day while having a conversation with a friend about men’s post-sex habits, I realized something about most men. During or most often after intimacy, men will ask their partners, “How many orgasms did you have,” or something of the like. Women understand that men ask because they want to be pleasing lovers, but does the question derive more out of pride or insecurity of having induced a faux orgasm.

Someone I once knew compared making a woman climax to being like a kid winning a prize at the carnival; sometimes it may be a challenge, but in the end, the excitement of having won is exhilarating. On the contrary, I’ve known men who say they ask because they are unsure whether their partner truly climaxed or if it was a feigned orgasm.

However, could the question be a product of both pride and insecurity? Can a man be so insecure to worry that his ego would be bruised that he has to ask? Regardless of the reason for the question, if the woman climaxed, there is no reason to ask how many times.  For most women, achieving one orgasm is enough to be satisfied.

 

Porn’s Fallacy

Society and the media through magazines, television and advertisements have always been blamed for portraying to people what appearances and actions should be the norm. Models and celebrities are idolized and have many striving to embody these personas and lifestyles, leaving some insecure or self conscious. However, this is the mainstream end of that projection on people to be acceptable as normal. Most would never consider that pornography has the same effect on people’s sex lives.

Like any of the other media sources that influence what should be typical of people, porn does the same for the bedroom and one’s self body image. Often times, couples watch porn and think that their sex lives should be as exciting as what they’re watching or that perhaps their bodies should be similar to those on the screen; however, like striving to be like those models and celebrities, most won’t live up to the expectation.

On more than one occasion, I have heard men saying they wish they were more endowed than they were, despite their consistent ability to please their partner. Other times, men have said they did not realize they were larger than average, but actually thought they were at average or just below it. For all the times I’ve heard about their self-consciousness about their bodies, the reason for their idea of their “smaller” members is the same: “Well, the guys in porn are big, so I just thought I was a lot smaller than normal.” Only later do the men learn they are above par when they begin relationships and act intimately. But this may not put their minds at ease as men have said they believe their partners only tell them these things because it’s what they believe the man wants to hear rather than it being the truth.

So like any other media source, pornography sets up a certain notion about what sex should actually be like and how big a man’s private areas should be in comparison to the reality of what is standard. However, unlike most people realizing that a scarce amount of people are like the idolized, those who watch porn, especially men, still believe that they are the ones who are not the average.

 

An unacceptable following

Often times in a place like Cindie’s, customers feel that just walking into the store to shop is a difficult enough act without actually purchasing anything. With that said, many shoppers just want to be left alone, especially with something as personal as buying erotic merchandise. For the most part, we offer our help, but leave them be if they do not want it so they can feel comfortable looking for what they want. However, as we might try to make them feel at ease in the store, we cannot control what other customers do, but only react to their actions.

About a week ago, a woman wearing a dress was shopping throughout the store, and we helped her whenever she needed it. She had no problems and seemed to be comfortable in her environment. A short while later, an elderly man came into the store and wandered around looking for nothing in particular. The woman must have caught his attention because he began to suddenly become interested in the products around the areas she was shopping. A co-worker pointed out to me that the man seemed to be following her, and the woman took notice. She told my co-worker she was beginning to get creeped out by the man. He continued to follow her into the lingerie area. As the woman looked through the garments, the man “shopped” close by. At one point, the woman bent down to look at a packaged garment on the wall. At nearly the same moment, the man bent down, pretending to tie his shoe. The woman noticed what the man was doing and confronted him. “Would you just quit following me?!” she said. The man denied her accusations, saying he was only tying his shoe, but she told him she knew what he was doing; he bent down almost as soon as she did, knowing very well she was wearing  a dress. We saw the incident and asked the man to leave the store. He continued to deny he was following her, but he left without protest.

The woman apologized to us for shouting but said she felt uncomfortable. We said we understood and told her it was unacceptable behavior for the man. We all questioned why a man would choose to follow a woman in such a confined place where he must have known it would be noticeable if he were following someone.

Many may think having creepy men or people in general in erotic shops is typical, but in truth, most want to stay to themselves, get what they’re looking for and get out. So, why would someone invade the personal space of another, especially in this type of environment? What would compel a person to stalk someone in any place? The only conclusion I come to is that perhaps the man is a voyeur, someone who habitually seeks sexual stimulation by visual means, especially through anything relating to sexuality.

In any case, stalking seems to be something most people hear about but never witness, but what do we do when the moment we realize what the person is doing comes and that perhaps it’s an act of personal stimulation, such as voyeurism? At that point is it too late to where the person already feels violated? When do we ask: Am I jumping to conclusions, or is this person really following me, possibly  to gain sexual gratification?

 

Watching VS Acting: Can we be aroused by one and not the other?

In an industry where people come in to learn about themselves and methods of arousal , many often experiment with a variety of products and acts to become erotically liberated.

The other evening, a woman in her early forties was in the video room looking for a film about threesomes with no particular preference in the dominant gender of the ménage a trois. She told me she was interested in seeing if this would be something she would consider. The woman had began dating a younger man who she discovered was bisexual. She was surprised at the news but accepted it. After a while, she said she contemplated the idea of a threesome, also with no preference of dominant gender, but was unsure whether she would be aroused by it. To figure out whether a threesome was indeed something she might like, she rented a couple of DVDs and went on her way.

Although this woman was researching one of  the ever-sought out acts of sexual liberation for a couple, she was basing her decision to do it on whether it aroused her while watching the trio. However, is that enough validation?  It seems that to discover what one may like sexually, the person would have to try the act first hand. Experience and trial by error are usually the best way to go in determining what one may like or dislike, regardless if the subject at hand be general or sexual acts.

So I pose these questions: Can someone be aroused by watching a certain act and not like that act while doing it him or herself, or vice versa? Or do the two come hand in hand?

 

A break-up no cause for a blow up

As an employee of Cindie’s, it is not unexpected to get calls for questions that many would consider awkward, nor is it uncommon to get hit on while trying to help those customers.

In another eventful night, a man in his mid-twenties came in looking for a love doll, or more commonly known as a blow up doll. I checked him out and let him know the item was a final sale, and he said he understood. After thanking him, he went on his way. A short time later, we receive a phone call from the same man saying he wanted to return the doll; however, we explained to him that it was store policy not to accept items of this nature as returns. He went back and forth with my coworker of why he was unable to return the doll, but finally understood he was not going to get a refund.

Ok, it may not be a blow up doll, but it's still a love doll

Ten minutes after my coworker hung up the phone, it rang again, and I answered. It was the man again, only now asking for help on how to use the doll since it was non-returnable. I thought for a second of how to explain the what I thought as simple and unnecessary directions. “Well,” I told him, “there are two orifices on the doll that can be penetrated.” He stayed quiet for a second then asked how he could do it, if they would be too shallow. I said they shouldn’t be, but he still seemed to be confused and asked how he was supposed to penetrate it. He then asked about a liquid that came inside the package. I told him it must have been lubricant, and he asked how to use it; should he put it on the doll, or where should it go? “See, this is what happens when you and a girlfriend break up,” he said. I said it would probably be better to apply the lubricant on himself, and that he should not have a problem penetrating. He didn’t seem to understand what I was telling him, so I put him on hold and told him I would let him talk to my coworker who might have been more able to explain what he should do. My coworker spoke with him for a short time, and he finally got the answers he wanted. There appeared to be a thin layer of a protection sealing over the orifices that he needed to remove before use. He thanked my coworker for her help, but before he hung up, he had one last question. “Do you have a boyfriend,” he asked. She told him she was married, and they hung up.

And so, a word of advice for the single men out there: Don’t expect to pick up a girl from an adult shop, or anywhere for that matter, when you just purchased a blow up doll and don’t know what to do with it. If you don’t know what to do with something inanimate, you may not know what to do with someone who can interact back. A final point: Resorting to a  blow up doll is probably not any better than suffering a break up in terms of keeping one’s dignity.

 

Dear, Gavie? Who knew I’d be called on to be a relationship therapist?

The other day in this class, Professor Berryhill told me I needed to find a passion about something, something to blog about. It just so happens that I’m in the business of passion, technically speaking. I work at Cindie’s. If any of you don’t know what this is, you should look it up or ask someone. You will either be pleasantly surprised or mildly offended. Who knows? Anyhow, that’s the brief introduction to this post.

Today while at work, I helped someone else find passion, or at least attempted to. I approached a man wandering around the store, looking a little puzzled, so I asked if he needed any help. “No thank you, ma’am,” he told me, a little hesitantly though. I asked him if he was sure, and he thought for a second, deciding he did have a question after all. He needed to take a seat, he said, before he asked me his question. When he did, he said he sought out a woman’s opinion because he and his wife were having a bit of trouble in the bedroom, but he was unsure whether the issue was more emotional or physical. I am no relationship therapist by any means. He told me about his wife talking to one of her friends about their dilemma, how she was uninterested in engaging sexually with her husband. Somehow, he learned of this conversation, and he sat down with his wife to talk about the problem in their relationship. She told him he didn’t do the same things when they first got married, such as buy her flowers. The man said he would work on it, but she dismissed him, saying he didn’t have to; it was not important and she did not want to talk about it anymore. Anyway, he asked me what he could do to help their relationship. Unfortunately for him, if the problem is emotional, I could give him no advice other than what I have seen in my experience.

If one person in the relationship is unhappy or uninterested in continuing activity in the bedroom (or elsewhere for that matter), then one cannot coerce the other into having a satisfying connection, no matter how hard each one tries.If the feelings are not present, it’s difficult to force them, only leading to hurt feelings and broken hearts later.  I have also found, for the most part, that there is always one person who is more likely to feel greater emotion for the relationship than the other. That’s how I feel at least.

Needless to say, the man received confirmation in what he had already thought before asking my advice. Something was wrong with the relationship that went beyond physicality.

The most important thing he could do, I said, was to have a sit down with his wife and talk through what the issues were, regardless of how hesitant each one may be. Communication is the most important component of a relationship, but it doesn’t take someone who works at an adult shop to give this sound advisement.

Until next time, play passionately.

:]